Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m getting older and noticing it more, or maybe I’m living in some little bubble where I still believe people ought to be kind to one another. But my word, when did we get so mean? I don’t even mean the big, headline-making kind of ugly. I mean the everyday kind. One thing doesn’t go the way someone expected and suddenly voices get louder, there’s huffing and puffing, stomping around, attitudes flying, and sometimes a cutting remark thrown in just to make sure the other person feels it.
And sometimes it goes beyond losing our temper. Sometimes we seem so determined to get the last word, throw one more jab, point out somebody’s flaw, or reach for the one thing we know will hurt… and once we see that it landed, there’s almost a sense of satisfaction in it. Like hurting someone means we won. Then we carry on with our day while somebody else is left standing there holding what we just handed them. Somewhere along the way, minor inconveniences started getting major reactions, and frankly, some situations do not deserve the full Broadway production they’re receiving.
I understand having a bad day. Lord knows I have them, too. We get tired, overwhelmed, disappointed, stressed, and sometimes aggravated enough that our last nerve is hanging by a thread… and somebody just walked up and started tap dancing on it. We’re human, and none of us will handle every moment perfectly. But being frustrated doesn’t give us permission to be cruel, and being inconvenienced doesn’t mean someone else deserves our attitude.
I think this is especially important with the people closest to us, because sometimes they get the biggest brunt of our worst behavior without us even realizing it. We hold it together at work, smile at strangers, answer the phone with our nice voice, and then come home and hand the people we love every frustration we collected throughout the day. Our spouse gets the sharp tone. Our kids get the impatience. Our family gets the eye roll, the huff, the sarcasm or the silence. There’s something terribly backwards about giving our best manners to people we may never see again while giving the people we love whatever is left over.
It seems like we’ve lost gentleness as something we valued. Manners, restraint, giving someone the benefit of the doubt, remembering that we have no idea what another person is carrying, even sometimes the people living under our own roof. Life is already hard enough without us becoming another hard thing someone has to survive that day. So maybe I am living in a bubble where I still believe kindness, gentleness, self-control, and treating people with dignity matter. If that makes me old-fashioned, I’ll stay old-fashioned. I won’t always get it right, but I want people to leave an encounter with me a little lighter, not heavier, and I certainly don’t want to carry the name of Jesus while treating people in a way that looks nothing like Him.
Maybe the world hasn’t suddenly become meaner. Maybe we’ve just gotten a little too comfortable letting our frustration spill onto everybody around us. Either way, I think it’s worth asking ourselves once in a while: What do people feel after they’ve been around me? Because long after we’ve forgotten the sharp comment, the eye roll, or that last little jab we just had to get in, the person on the receiving end may still remember exactly how we made them feel. And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be remembered for being kind.
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